party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
