Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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