My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
