I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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