Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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