I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
