party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
