I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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