True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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