Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize
