I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
