She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
