Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
