Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
please don't ironically join a cult
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