i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
