Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
