So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Randomize
