did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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