If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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