butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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