we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Randomize
