I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
