I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
