I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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