So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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