I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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