I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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