Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
