Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
