I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
