she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
