Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
