your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
