She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Randomize
