When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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