im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
