I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
