I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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