I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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