i just identified you from a description of your pipe
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
