tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
