Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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