There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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