I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
