dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
