You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Randomize
