Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
