So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
