You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
