She is in my trunk
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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