accomplished twins. life is a go
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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